I have lived in several places, and I have owned a total of three homes. One we sold to move to Michigan, one we still own and rent out in Michigan, and then this one. The one with the misnomer of Dream House.
I had so many fanciful hopes and dreams tied to this house. We had been living in a dumpy apartment in the ghetto of Escondido, so this house, with all its space, on a cul de sac in the small town of Menifee seemed ideal. However, houses are only extensions of the families that live in them. And if the family is broken, whether all the members know it or not, the house is not truly a home. I wish I had known that 4 years ago.
Over the past 4 years, I though I had a dream home. We had holidays and birthdays. We had friends over, family dinners, and played games together. 4 years ago, I imagined this house is where we would retire. Where my children would come home from college to visit, where the grandkids would come for holiday dinners. I dreamed we would upgrade the kitchen and bathroom, design a beautiful backyard so we could barbecue together, and sit together in the evenings and enjoy out time together.
I now refer to my dream house as the place where dreams come to die. I didn't realize that my dream, my children's dream, was not the dream of everyone in the family, that our dreams of a family home was actually a nightmare for someone else. This house was never a home. I didn't know at the time that my dream house was nothing more than fog and ashes.
Houses aren't inherently evil, no matter what the Amityville movies show. However, they reflect the family within, and when the family is torn apart and destroyed, it cannot help but be reflected withing the house. This house, I realize, was never our home; it was a way-station until our family could be redefined, and now we are moving onto a new house.
My new house is not as big. It is not in the nice neighborhood tucked in a cul de sac. It will contain a smaller family, a broken family. But it will contain my family. My family now has a new set of hopes and dreams, and this new house will reflect our small family that will move within this Sunday. This house will be our home.
1 comment:
As you know, I think it is great you are writing. I think others will find your determination, passion, and resolve inspiring. And I know that, for you, home is where you can keep your children -- your family -- close to you.
And a nifty wine rack is a nice bonus, too.
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